All week long I’ve been trying to figure out how I was going to write this week’s weigh-in post. Maybe I’d lie a little? No. Maybe I’d make excuses? No. Maybe I’d blame it on the moon? No. Honestly, I just stopped watching what I ate this week. Not permanently, I just needed a sanctioned break.

There was a beautiful loaf of sourdough from the market, that desperately needed to be eaten toasted with butter (I didn’t eat it all, just a few slices). And I did the Lactation Cookie post, so I had to make those and eat some of them. And I really wanted to know what my food tastes like served with rice, so I ate it. I went out with the ladies and had not one but TWO cocktails, a burger AND fries. It all tasted delicious. Portions, what are those again?

Here’s what it felt like. The sourdough was amazing, crunchy, buttery, tasted great going down. The lactation cookies eventually gave me heart burn (as they eventually did when I was eating them daily after P was born). I still had plenty of energy to dance on Tuesday night, but less enthusiasm. I’m feeling lethargic. That has something to do with the next paragraph too.

P has been suffering from some gnarly allergies, which includes copious amounts of fluid leaking from every orifice of his face and an insane amount of coughing. Usually in the middle of the night. If I was heartless, I’d let him go all night long, but I’m not.

At 3 am for the past two nights I’ve gotten up and given him some herbs to calm the cough and offer him water. At which point he places his baby hands on my cheeks and so sweetly says, “I tired. Let’s go to sleep mama. Hold my hand.” It’s seriously the most tender thing you’ve ever heard.

In the hope that he’ll fall quickly asleep if I stay, I lay down. But he doesn’t fall quickly asleep, because he’s got this freaking cough. And like any mother with a sick babe, I can only rest fitfully. After and hour or more, we both conk out until he inevitably starts to cough again. It’s still too early in my opinion, but the sun is peaking through the edges of the curtains and he’s ready to roll. I’m not sleeping so good and that makes everything harder. End of story.

I need to find my motivation again. Re-read my initial post, start getting 8 hours of sleep again and drinking more water and less coffee. Yeah, it’s a lifestyle change, but it’s still not easy. Har-umph.